Nny! and Lenore

Recently, my daughter forced me to get off the computer to pay attention to her. (She's so demanding. Every other day it always "Feed me, feed me, I'm hungry"). And what she forced me to do with her was read some frighteningly interesting comics called Johnny the Homocidal Maniac and Lenore.

These comics are soooo hideous and sooo funny. If you read them, be sure to read the small print. That's some of the funniest stuff.






And you know, it makes me wonder why I find them so funny. Is it the sick humor? The twisted jokes? Probably.

Poor Squee. You know that there is now amount of therapy that will ever make him a normal kid.

Questions for Fritz and Danius Maximus

Okay here goes.

Fritz, your questions are:

1. What is your favorite movie and why?

2. If you were given the choice of the blue pill or the red pill, as in the Matrix, which would you take? Blissful ignorance or harsh reality?

3. Do you believe that you are real, and if so, how would you prove it?

4. If you could go back in time to correct a mistake, would you and what mistake would you correct?

5. If you wrote a book, to whom would you dedicate it?



Danius Maximus, your questions are:


1. Would you ever get a piercing in a sensitive place?

2. Are you a cat or dog kind of person?

3. If you could travel back in time, would you want to meet yourself?

4. If you could change your sex, would you?

5. If you were King for the day, how would you spend your day?

Some gratuitous ass pictures, or some pictures from Dragon Con 2004

Dragon Con is a mere 13 days away.

I love Edvard Munch

I've been told that if I'd stop listening to dark and depressing music I might be less depressed. What? Is there supposed to be some correlation between what you listen to and your frame of mind?

Well, maybe.

But I happen to like like dark things. I love to wear black, watch dark movies, and listen to moody music. Can't help it.

And while I'm on the subject of depression, do you think Edvard Munch could have benefited from some SSRI Anti-Depressants? I think so. But if he had been properly medicated with Paxil, I doubt he would have created such wonderful paintings. Probably he would have gone for cheerful sunflowers and sappy meadow landscapes, and then the world would never have been exposed to one of the more famous depictions of all-out anxiety: "The Scream", or otherwise known as "The Cry".

Let me quote from a web site dedicated to Munch: Norwegian painter and printmaker whose intense, evocative treatment of psychological and emotional themes was a major influence on the development of German Expressionism in the early 20th century. His painting The Cry (1893) is regarded as an icon of existential anguish. That just about says it all, if you ask me.

I just love this genre of painting. What kind of a mind came up with this material? I'll bet he wasn't very popular as a child. I'll even hazard a guess that his parents stood outside his closed bedroom door constantly yelling "Hey! You've been locked in your room for hours! What are you doing in there?". I'll bet he wore a lot of black, too.

Preparing my Dragon Con outfit

I'm so excited. I feel like it's the 3rd week of December and Christmas is just around the corner. Why am I excited? Well, actually, a lot of things are exciting me recently, but in particular, the date for the opening of Dragon Con is looming in the near future. And I'm working one of the fun preliminary tasks: Shopping for an outfit.

Normally, I forget to plan for an outfit until I'm packing, and then I have to resort to grabbing stuff from my daughter's closet and trying to co-ordinate fishnets with T-shirts. But this year, I thought ahead and bought something from Ebay. Ha! High functioning ADD, my ass! I do not need Ritalin, thank you very much!

So far, everything seems to be coming together. I've pulled together an acceptable outfit; not too slutty, yet with just the right mix of Goth/Dom. Really, I'm pleased. Now if I just had the right pair of shoes....

If you've never been to Dragon Con, and you're into Science Fiction/Comics/basic nerdy stuff, this is the convention for you. People dress up as their favorite characters, take a lot of pictures and basically have a good time. There are some absolutely amazing costumes and at night there are some great concerts.

However, when the sun goes down is when the fun really begins and the truly brazen people come out. All inhibitions are tossed to the wind and people start following that old motto "Less is better". Which makes for a really interesting evening. So I'll see you there, and don't forget to bring your camera.

What I did at work Friday

Have you ever done something that's so boneheaded that you don't want to admit to anyone, not even your closest friends, what you did? Well, I did one of those things Friday at work.

I was sitting at my desk, staring intently at my computer screen and, realizing that my eyes were dry, I reached into my purse for my little bottle of eye drops. Without looking at it, I squirted a couple of drops in my right eye and immediately, my eye starting burning as if I had dropped muriatic acid in it. Yow. I glanced down at the bottle, thinking that maybe it was an old bottle and had gone bad. But what I had just squirted into my eye was anti-fungal drops for nail infections that I had put in my purse. And it was the exact same size and dimensions as the eye drop bottle.

With my eyes burning, no, excuse me, my EYE burning, my nose running in sympathy and without actually being able to see anything because I was practically blind, I groped around until I found my saline solution and rinsed my eye out the best I could without actual vision.

To make a long story short, I ended up having to drive home with only one contact in, and all night, every time I woke up, my eye was crusted over and was red, puffy, swollen and hurt.

I finally confessed to one of my best friends what I had done, and since she is notorious for doing silly things, she understood. Well, at least she said she did after she got her breath back from laughing so hard. And that traitor. After confessing my total embarrassment at the whole sordid incident, she informed me that she was going to call my supervisor and leave him a voice mail so he could tease me about it for the rest of my life. Nice. Last time I ever feed her cats for her, Benedict Arnold.

So it could have been worse. I could have actually dropped acid in my eye and would have had to go shopping for a seeing eye dog, but fortunately, it was merely a caustic anti-fungal solution. On the up side, I've managed to banish any stray fungas that might have found a home in my right eye and I don't appear to be blind. Yet.

Top 10 list

Top 10 things I want to do before I die:
10: Answer the question once and for all: What exactly was Mona Lisa thinking?
9: Grow the perfect head of hair
8:Read Anna Karenina
7: Create a ski slope in my backyard, including tow rope.
6: Learn to ski
5:Lose 100 lbs
4: Buy the most expensive pair of shoes in the world.
3: Answer the question: If you put a hundred monkeys in a room with 100 typewriters and allowed them to write away, will they eventually write A Tale of Two Cities?
2: Own all 356 episodes of the Simpsons, including this year's unreleased 17th season.
1: Marry the richest man in the world...and survive him.

What's the deal with the cutesy smiley face cursor?

Well, it's not that I'm all that girly. But since a blog is supposed to represent yourself in some way, I wanted to add images that represent me, ergo the smiley face. Why does this represent me? Because I have a small tattoo of a smiley face.

I love my tattoo. Not that I'm all that keen to get another. Frankly, it hurt. And hurt I don't like. But I love what I have. If only I were brave enough to succumb to the needle again!

manolo blahniks

Tell me the truth: Am I insane for buying a pair of Manolo Blahniks? I think so, sometimes, but as Carrie says in Sex in the City, a woman has a right to shoes. Everyone at work thinks I'm nuts. They look at me askance and shake their heads, but I think secretly wish they could wear a pair of 4 inch stilletto heels. This is goofy, but sometimes I put on a leather mini skirt and the shoes and just wear them both around the house.

Now, my footwear obsession started when my best friend came into town for a visit and she forced me to get a pedicure. Then she forced me to go to Neiman Marcus to look at shoes. They were on sale. Really. I tried on a beautiful pair of Prada stillettos, which I considered. Then I saw THE PAIR. A pair of shiny, black patent leather Mary Jane's. Made by Kate Spade. Somehow, somehow, they would be mine.

Actually, making them mine was very easily accomplished. I just signed up for a Neiman Marcus credit card, and voilà, the Kate Spades were placed in a pretty Neiman Marcus bag and taken home, to fondle and wear whenever I chose. Ahh, almost better than sex.

This pair was satisfying, for a while. I loved strolling around in my beautiful shoes, in the knowledge that they cost more than most people make in a day.

But then, one day, I went to Neiman Marcus, innocently enough, just to shop for umm, well, stuff. And, oh, no. The shoes were on sale. And then, I noticed a pair of Yves St. Laurent orange sandels. And I NEED a pair of sandals. Orange. To match this really killer summer dress that I bought to wear out for special occasions. So really, it's something I need, not just want. So I whipped out the old trusty card and next thing I know, I'm the proud owner of two pair of outrageously priced designer shoes.

So a few months later, I've paid off my card, and with the happy knowledge that I have a zero balance, I find some plausible excuse to go shopping again. This time I hit the motherlode. Neiman's has pair after pair of beautiful shoes. And this time, I lost my mind. I bought the king daddy, creme de le creme, a pair of Manolo Blahnik black wrap sandals. And I even convinced myself for a brief time that I was going to sell them on Ebay and actually make a profit. But somehow, I never got around to it.

But you know, at this point, I'm starting to think that buying a great pair of shoes once or twice a year isn't such a bad thing. I wouldn't go so far as to say that they are an investment, unless you could stretch and say it's an investment in self-esteem, but I no longer feel bad about buying these absurdly priced shoes. And you know what? My balance is getting close to zero again, and I'm starting to think it's about time for a trip to Buckhead again for a little self-esteem, I mean, shoe shopping.

How I became a public servant

Good question. Was it for the fame? For the money? (ha!) For the thrill of working with criminals on a daily basis? For the cool uniforms? No, in fact, I did it because it's a fun job. Or was at first, anyway. And I get to carry a Glock, wear a badge and arrest people on occasion. Really, not a bad job.

I also work with great people and am constantly amused by the stupid things people do. (i.e-see story below) The story of the guy dropping his drugs on the counter right in front of me is the best story I've heard so far, and in fact made me slightly famous, but there have been other noteworthy anecdotes.

Example, one of my fellow cohorts was arresting one of her offenders, and before the police came to take him away, he burst into tears and begged her to "hold" his marijuana before the police came. "Police? Who do you think you're talking to? I am the police!" Maybe he failed to notice the intimidating gun.

But I digress.

While I was still in college, I interned in the local probation office and had so much fun, I decided that when I graduated, I would make probation my number one career choice. And, after a couple of years, a stint with a private company, and a lift on the state hiring freeze, I found myself in the exciting field of law enforcement. Guns! Handcuffing! Onerous hours in the courtroom waiting to testify! Cute cops in uniform! What more could you ask for?

Visit to Atlanta Botanical Gardens

Pictures made by my artistically talented daughter

fun at Dragon Con

Daughter and friend with Austin "Danger" Powers storm trooper. Dragon Con is a science fiction convention that Atlanta hosts every year on Labor Day weekend. People dress up as their favorite science fiction characters and have fun.

my cat, Maggie

Maggie is a ragdoll cat. She is sweet and very social, and in fact, acts more like a dog sometimes. She follows me around the house.