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Just another day in the life of a public servant

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Goals for the day

1. Stop fantasizing about Starbucks.
2. Mousse cat's fur into interesting swirly pattern. Take picture.
3. Drive through Atlanta, and beckon homeless people over with a promise of free crack. Give them little pieces of hardened baking soda.
4. Call 3 random numbers and ask for Bob. Tell whoever answers, after they say there is no one there by that name, that Bob needs to know the clinic called and urgently needs to speak to him. Act tearful if necessary. If anyone calls back via *69, act retarded.
5. Write an unsigned suicide note and leave it on a co-workers desk.
6. Call 3 random numbers and ask for Steve. When person who answers states no one is there by that name, tell them you know they are lying to cover up for Steve, and if he doesn't call in 30 minutes, he will be fired. If Steve is actually there, tell him if he meets you at the mall in 30 minutes, you won't tell his wife about "Tiffany". DO NOT ANSWER PHONE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
7. Try on 10 different pairs of pants in front of husband, and ask each time "Do these pants make my ass look big?". Pretend to cry if the answer is yes.
8. Apply for jobs at 5 different stores. Use fake names, and under sex write "Indeterminate". Use random numbers picked from phone book as contact numbers. If there are any stupid questions, like "what are your goals" write a long thesis on views on abortion and religion. Ask for additional paper. Request the name of the regional manager if refused.
9. Go to the park and tease squirrels.
10. Leave annoying and insulting comments on blogs, under the name of anonymous, but sign comments with a real person's name. Preferably with the name of someone who is irritating.

2 Comments:

  • At 11:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Those are rather interesting goals and quite amusing too! I only wish that I had such lofty goals for my days. Alas, I am stuck with such mundane tasks as cleaning out my uncle Henry's collostomy bag, combing the thatch out of the yard, alphabetizing the canned goods, and re-stringing my shoes.

     
  • At 8:59 PM, Blogger kitty said…

    Sad

     

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